


Uncertainty

by seunrig



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 10:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5087191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seunrig/pseuds/seunrig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan: the wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> I totally suggest listening to the acoustic version of Run by Daughter. It was my inspiration for this and Daughter is just amazing in general so you should listen to them anyway.

Seunghyun looks at Jiyong with wide eyes, wondering what the hell could possibly be going on in that head of his when he tells him of his  _brilliant idea_. Jiyong had dragged him into this cramped closet as soon as they got to the concert venue, giving an excuse for the weird meeting place that these venues didn’t have any privacy and closets were the only way to go. He had been excited, practically on a high since they had all met up at the airport together several hours before but they hadn’t had a chance to be truly alone until now and everything Jiyong wanted to say just spilled out and Seunghyun had to have him repeat it multiple times so he could understand.

“Run…away?”

Jiyong sighed. “You make it sound like we’re going to be gone for years. It’s just like a vacation. Just to get away…without telling anyone. If we tell anyone it’ll defeat the purpose.”

Seunghyun can tell that this is something Jiyong has thought about for some time. It was a rash and very sudden idea and he never brought things like this up without being absolutely sure he wouldn’t regret it, because he didn’t like the feeling of regret. Seunghyun is sure he’d checked for all the holes, had thought of everything that could go wrong, but-

“But we’re promoting. We can’t just leave.”

The way Jiyong’s face falls makes Seunghyun’s heart hurt. He takes Jiyong’s hand in his, softly stroking his knuckles. “I want to. So much.”

“Then just do it.” His voice is so small, nearly a whisper and it’s almost a shout in the small and empty closet. “Why can’t we just do it?” His head slowly lifts so his eyes can meet Seunghyun’s.

And as Seunghyun looks down at him, he knows Jiyong already knows the answer to that question. He’s already run it over in his head thousands of times. He knows. Seunghyun settles on his eyes for a few seconds, searching for something he doesn’t know he’s looking for.

They stay like that, staring at each other for what seems like forever and Seunghyun knows that they could do it. They would do it and the consequences would be a mere afterthought. To be away from the never tiring eyes, to just be without having to constantly hide in closets and speak with hushed voices. This could be something they need. They squeeze each other’s hands simultaneously, knowing exactly what the other is thinking and for a quick second Jiyong reaches down toward his back pocket, ready to fish out his phone and Seunghyun doesn’t stop him. But just as he feels the smoothness of it at his fingertips, a group of people walk down the hall and decide to stop right in front of the closet they’re hiding in.

They hold their breaths, their grip on each other’s hands tightening as the seconds pass. It isn’t long until the group moves on, their footsteps and chatter fading down the hallway and Jiyong looks back at Seunghyun who looks at him with a sense of disappointment. And the excitement that had run through them earlier is clouded by reality and they’re both evidently hesitant, with Jiyong’s previous confidence slowly slipping away as he realizes that Seunghyun is so wrong. They  _could_ do this, but they never will because they’ll always be afraid.

“I thought it was a good idea,” he whispers to himself.

“It was,” Seunghyun reassures him. “It’s just not the right time. Not now.”

Jiyong nods, wondering if there will ever be a right time and leaves Seunghyun alone in the tiny closet without looking back.


End file.
